You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
