i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
