Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
