She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
