i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
