I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
