Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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