I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
