You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
