If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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