Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
