Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm at about main and main street
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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