you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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