You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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