I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We need to rekindle our bromance
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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