Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
