I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
