I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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