I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
