Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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