so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
