Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
