haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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