It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.