the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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