I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me