It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again