I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
