is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.