I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.