its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
