theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
