Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
