I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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