We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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