You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
