don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
