They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
