Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
