I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
