Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
