yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
