She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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