i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
