so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
