hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
