we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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