life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
