if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
