So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
