I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
only you would photoshop your dick
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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