My nipple is on Facebook.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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