he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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