I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
