in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
