Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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