So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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