I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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