:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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