Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
