I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
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After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
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we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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