new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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