so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
