So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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