So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
