i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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