I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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