Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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