I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
