the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
