gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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