My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This house was built for laser tag.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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