I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize