i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
