dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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