Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
