I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
