you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
