i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
