I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im six kinds of drunk right now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
