Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
