i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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